just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
