He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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