I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Couch. On fire.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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