one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Randomize
