The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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