I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
