After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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