girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
