just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
