Who wears a wallet chain?!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
