They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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