so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
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