end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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