I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
