Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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