I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
