when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
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