just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
