We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
