He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
