Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
