fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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