'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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