I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Damn victory sex feels great
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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