my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I will pee on everything he values.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Randomize
