I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
