...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
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