I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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