Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
