her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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