So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
