You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
