It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
