I think i peed on brittanys purse
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Randomize
