You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
