I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
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We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
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I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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