This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Randomize
