P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
