I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He shit in the fireplace
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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