I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
