So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
