dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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