Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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