Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
