if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
