I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
