Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Randomize
