I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
