when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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