she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
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