by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
