I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
