Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
