Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
