Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
