marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Randomize
