guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
