i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
