Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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