you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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