wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
In other news, I just burned my penis
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
