Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
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