I think I died a long time ago.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Randomize
