Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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