you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
