And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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