I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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