Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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