I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
