Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
