You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
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there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
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The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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