am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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