Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
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