I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
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he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
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i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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