also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
