Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It was like giving head to a cactus.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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