What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I just gift wrapped bread.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
