Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
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Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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