just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Randomize
