Sorry, I don't speak sober.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
